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Apr 10
2009
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Immigrant FaithPosted by Julian Park in Untagged |
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My father grew up in a household with two mothers, and
eleven siblings. My grandfather had secretly married his second wife, and my grandmother had no idea he was
already married before she moved to his hometown. My father barely
finished junior high school, and was forced to work for my grandfather,
while his brothers and sisters all went on to high school, and some of
them to college. He started working at the age of about 14, doing hard
physical labor for my grandfather until he passed away. Once a fairly
wealthy man, my grandfather had left this earth with almost nothing in
his possession, only a dozen heartbroken children who never even had
the time to think about how unusual or dysfunctional their own family
was.
In the early 80's my father opened up a store selling baby attires. But soon after the business had been established, it burnt down in a fire accident. The trauma of this event, on top of the fact that my mother had just given birth to twin boys, drove my father almost mad with sorrows. He decided to follow in his older brother's footstep in his journey to Los Angeles. He believed that a man of his stature can only make something of himself in a country like the United States. My uncle, and my father had caught the American dream before they had ever set foot in the U.S.
{mosimage} My father first came to Los Angeles by himself. He left my mom, my older brother, my twin and I back in Pusan. His plan was to have us join him in a year or so. About a year after my father left, my mother and my older brother also moved to the U.S. My twin and I were unable to obtain visas for our immigration into the states. It would be another 7 years before we rejoined our parents. Back in Korea, I was left with my mother's older sister, and my twin was left with my grandmother. When my grandmother also decided to move to the U.S. after a couple of years, my father's younger sister and her husband took my twin into their custody. Although my parents pleaded them to send him to the family I was living with, they refused to listen and kept him for years to come. When they also decided to move to the U.S., my twin finally moved into the house I was living in. We started to attend elementary school together, and in the third grade we obtained our visas at last, and came to the United States.
When my twin and I arrived, we were greeted by a man and a woman we would have to call our parents. We moved into a large house with a large swimming pool. The front lawn was huge and very green, and the water in the pool clear and blue. But the pains of life do not wash away in the face of material blessings.
My father was a very rough man. He was strict in the very sense of the word, and never complimented us. Our parents were quick to rebuke and punish us, and slow to show compassion and love. Fear quickly settled into our hearts, a fear that perhaps we were not ready to handle. They hired a private tutor who was more like a drill sergeant than a real tutor. Corporate punishment became a regular routine in the house, even when we had done next to nothing wrong. Discipline overshadowed love and understanding, and the space between each member of the family began to grow as a result.
By the time we reached junior high school, my twin and I had learned to be ashamed of ourselves. We were trained to think that nothing we did was good enough, and of course, this affected our faith also. The relationship a man has with his father is reflected in their relationship with God. By the time we reached high school, anger and misplaced emotions were driving us apart. I plunged into depression, and started to dabble in drugs and alcohol. My parents never noticed, or if they did, they did not want to admit it.
Until the age of 25, I suffered from heavy depression and addictions. I have not the space or the time or the energy to describe to you every single incident that led me to such lows. All I can say is that the emotions were very real, the scars very evident and my loneliness as big and empty as an abandoned warehouse. But when I turned 25, I met a Pastor Kevin who taught me about the spirit of God, and the amazing things God is able to do in broken lives. The reality of God's healing powers had become as clear as daylight to me.
The honest truth is this: Jesus has the power to save lives, and He does so even today. When we become believers, we lose our lives to our savior. I used to think this meant that I needed to stop smoking and give up on drinking. I used to think that it would be some sort of a routine that I would have to discipline myself to perform. And I used to think that losing my life was actually a loss, and that the world had so much more to offer me, while Jesus only wanted to take away from my freedom.
Now I know I was dead wrong. Yes, we lose our lives. But we lose the pain and the anguish that our lives are also made up of. The sins of my grandfather, the pains of separation from my parents, and the neglect I suffered as an immigrant Korean child in suburban USA... All the tears that I've cried, all the lonely nights I spent sobbing, and all the scars that my family has left on me... Jesus has taken them all upon his own shoulders, and carried them for me.
What I am saying now would mean nothing if it didn't really have an impact on my life. Some may say that such a view of life is a coward's way out, or a way of avoiding the issues I really need to deal with. But I have proof in my own life that Jesus has carried the cross for me. And he tells me everyday to put down my own fleshly desires of dealing with life on my own. He commands me to follow him, and to lay my burdens at his feet. And when I do so, I lose my own life but I gain a brand new life in Christ.
God does not tell me to do things because he wants to see me struggle. What God has in store for me is beautiful, and God knows exactly what is best for me. He doesn't wish to take away my freedom, but he wishes to break the bondage of sin. When I obey I am not losing out on life, I am only living life to the fullest, in the fashion that I was designed to live it. He tells me to let go of the past not because he doesn't care about what's happened, but because he is 100% able to make the rest of my life that much more beautiful. When I am able to let go of a past that nearly destroyed me, I am free to hold on to a gospel that can transform me and make me a brand new person.
So everyday I am learning to let go a little bit more, because the promise is that I will stand upon a rock that can not be shaken. The promise of God is that he will never leave me nor forsake me, but finish the work he's begun in me to be a light unto a dying world. And this promise is given unto everyone who will listen, including my father, my mother, and my brothers. God does not erase the pains of the past from our memories. But he has the awesome ability to take what has happened and make something beautiful out of it, and we can not even guess all the great things he has in store for those who love him. God turns tears of sorrow into tears of joy. He places a song deep in our souls that will never burn out, even during the darkest nights of this lifetime. And this song is the song that I sing today, and will be sung for all eternity to come.
And now I see...
That the answer was as easy as just asking you in,
and I am so sure I can never doubt your gentle touch again.
It's like the power of the wind!
Like waking up from the longest dream, how real it seemed...
Until your love broke through.
I've been lost in a fantasy, that blinded me...
Until your love broke through.
Excerpt from the song "Until Your Love Broke Through" by Keith Green.
In the early 80's my father opened up a store selling baby attires. But soon after the business had been established, it burnt down in a fire accident. The trauma of this event, on top of the fact that my mother had just given birth to twin boys, drove my father almost mad with sorrows. He decided to follow in his older brother's footstep in his journey to Los Angeles. He believed that a man of his stature can only make something of himself in a country like the United States. My uncle, and my father had caught the American dream before they had ever set foot in the U.S.
{mosimage} My father first came to Los Angeles by himself. He left my mom, my older brother, my twin and I back in Pusan. His plan was to have us join him in a year or so. About a year after my father left, my mother and my older brother also moved to the U.S. My twin and I were unable to obtain visas for our immigration into the states. It would be another 7 years before we rejoined our parents. Back in Korea, I was left with my mother's older sister, and my twin was left with my grandmother. When my grandmother also decided to move to the U.S. after a couple of years, my father's younger sister and her husband took my twin into their custody. Although my parents pleaded them to send him to the family I was living with, they refused to listen and kept him for years to come. When they also decided to move to the U.S., my twin finally moved into the house I was living in. We started to attend elementary school together, and in the third grade we obtained our visas at last, and came to the United States.
When my twin and I arrived, we were greeted by a man and a woman we would have to call our parents. We moved into a large house with a large swimming pool. The front lawn was huge and very green, and the water in the pool clear and blue. But the pains of life do not wash away in the face of material blessings.
My father was a very rough man. He was strict in the very sense of the word, and never complimented us. Our parents were quick to rebuke and punish us, and slow to show compassion and love. Fear quickly settled into our hearts, a fear that perhaps we were not ready to handle. They hired a private tutor who was more like a drill sergeant than a real tutor. Corporate punishment became a regular routine in the house, even when we had done next to nothing wrong. Discipline overshadowed love and understanding, and the space between each member of the family began to grow as a result.
By the time we reached junior high school, my twin and I had learned to be ashamed of ourselves. We were trained to think that nothing we did was good enough, and of course, this affected our faith also. The relationship a man has with his father is reflected in their relationship with God. By the time we reached high school, anger and misplaced emotions were driving us apart. I plunged into depression, and started to dabble in drugs and alcohol. My parents never noticed, or if they did, they did not want to admit it.
Until the age of 25, I suffered from heavy depression and addictions. I have not the space or the time or the energy to describe to you every single incident that led me to such lows. All I can say is that the emotions were very real, the scars very evident and my loneliness as big and empty as an abandoned warehouse. But when I turned 25, I met a Pastor Kevin who taught me about the spirit of God, and the amazing things God is able to do in broken lives. The reality of God's healing powers had become as clear as daylight to me.
The honest truth is this: Jesus has the power to save lives, and He does so even today. When we become believers, we lose our lives to our savior. I used to think this meant that I needed to stop smoking and give up on drinking. I used to think that it would be some sort of a routine that I would have to discipline myself to perform. And I used to think that losing my life was actually a loss, and that the world had so much more to offer me, while Jesus only wanted to take away from my freedom.
Now I know I was dead wrong. Yes, we lose our lives. But we lose the pain and the anguish that our lives are also made up of. The sins of my grandfather, the pains of separation from my parents, and the neglect I suffered as an immigrant Korean child in suburban USA... All the tears that I've cried, all the lonely nights I spent sobbing, and all the scars that my family has left on me... Jesus has taken them all upon his own shoulders, and carried them for me.
What I am saying now would mean nothing if it didn't really have an impact on my life. Some may say that such a view of life is a coward's way out, or a way of avoiding the issues I really need to deal with. But I have proof in my own life that Jesus has carried the cross for me. And he tells me everyday to put down my own fleshly desires of dealing with life on my own. He commands me to follow him, and to lay my burdens at his feet. And when I do so, I lose my own life but I gain a brand new life in Christ.
God does not tell me to do things because he wants to see me struggle. What God has in store for me is beautiful, and God knows exactly what is best for me. He doesn't wish to take away my freedom, but he wishes to break the bondage of sin. When I obey I am not losing out on life, I am only living life to the fullest, in the fashion that I was designed to live it. He tells me to let go of the past not because he doesn't care about what's happened, but because he is 100% able to make the rest of my life that much more beautiful. When I am able to let go of a past that nearly destroyed me, I am free to hold on to a gospel that can transform me and make me a brand new person.
So everyday I am learning to let go a little bit more, because the promise is that I will stand upon a rock that can not be shaken. The promise of God is that he will never leave me nor forsake me, but finish the work he's begun in me to be a light unto a dying world. And this promise is given unto everyone who will listen, including my father, my mother, and my brothers. God does not erase the pains of the past from our memories. But he has the awesome ability to take what has happened and make something beautiful out of it, and we can not even guess all the great things he has in store for those who love him. God turns tears of sorrow into tears of joy. He places a song deep in our souls that will never burn out, even during the darkest nights of this lifetime. And this song is the song that I sing today, and will be sung for all eternity to come.
And now I see...
That the answer was as easy as just asking you in,
and I am so sure I can never doubt your gentle touch again.
It's like the power of the wind!
Like waking up from the longest dream, how real it seemed...
Until your love broke through.
I've been lost in a fantasy, that blinded me...
Until your love broke through.
Excerpt from the song "Until Your Love Broke Through" by Keith Green.
