Korean American Christian Blog

i was told to write a blog digesting the event:

 It was Saturday, and Today is Wednesday. It seems pretty far now. In the time between, God has been blessing me with love and just been speaking. Performing at Creative Juice was different than any other performance i did.  One of the reason being that my church girls were in the crowd, which almost brought me to break in the middle of the poem.  That poem was a journey to write, and still learning all that i have written is a journey in progress. So reading it, kind of creates accountability.  I am blessed that my brothers and sisters recieved my expereience and testimony; all the blessings i have are from God, and to share the joy is like no other.

 More than the event, or the competition, the core of Creative Juice was the eulogies to our God. (Sigh) One thing i remember was Mr. Hwang's struggle to give God his whole self, and admitted to his compromise to the performative emphasis in the moment.  To me, this acclaimed that God is in the house, and nobody can deny it or evade it.  I was blessed to see this honest desire to proclaim God as divine creator, in the midst of our carnial proclivity to want to proclaim ourselves.  Seeing this manifested made this event far more valuable than an open mic or talent show.  It was a venue where God was present, and the artists had to estimate his definite glory--This is God, it is He.

 All the creative inspirations gave me hope for our community, which is ever so increasing with church drop out percentages.  If we can intricately and patiently creative such musical/lyrical masterpieces, it made me believe in our potential to creatively minister to lost sheep.  After this event my heart turned.  God spoke. And i feel this new/old presence in me, alongside a prayer for my generation. I am thankful for Creative Juice because it led me to a highway that leads to his Kingdom--it clearly defined what my poetry should be used for: to be a testimony and minister.  I do not wish to portray some evangelical archetype, but simply want to convey my simple desire to share my joy in Christ with others. 

 Before, this Christian jargon was mundane and unlively.  I wavered between two worlds: Art and Christianity.  Which was is more powerful? Which one can save more lives?  I realized that this question was hampering me from using all of me to glorify Christ.  Thank you Mr. Hwang for manifesting my personal struggles in yours on stage. 

 Performing my poem, i realized all my inadequacies and sins, but how they are not remembered in the eyes of the Lord.  I felt undeserving when the people that came to me and told me they were blessed.    It feels good to say God's name and have him be glorified. It feels good to tell God my idols are burned and he is the only one. 

 People keep asking me, "How do you feel now?"

 Honestly, i have been spending the last days in anticipation and anxiousness.  I had to take a moment and pray, remembering that he brought me here, and this is all for him.  At this moment (right now), i can say that i have peace in my heart that God will use me in his own way, and in his own time. And my heart willingly will do it all; whether it be cleaning the floors of his sanctuary, cleaning the pews, or being obedient to oma and apa. Loftiness and its fame will all fade, but the love relationship i share with my Father will remain. Everyday struggle.

I was real blessed. And this entry does not even suffice all the little comments people made spoke to me. But i just want to express how grateful i am, and how much i am looking forward to God's kingdom reigning.  May God refine me into a light, and give me the self-control and patience i need to joyfully wait on him...