Korean American Christian Blog

With all the many many verses in the bible that we have come across, of all the ones that surround music, and praise, and thanksgiving, and how our laments, and joys, sorrows and tears, all ascribe to the voice of carrying our hearts to the Father, there was one that truly truly stood out to me.

 

Being a avid music lover, I find little things here and there, snippets of wise and curious sayings of respectable people, but nothing that was said on earth until now, was more profound (well, maybe other verses in the bible too) than the verse I found a few weeks ago. 

 

 Matthew 26:30 & Mark 14:26 are exactly the same. nothing added, nothing taken away. 

Man, Summer flew by and its already Fall!

It feels strange, and awkwardly invigorating. The start of the new school year means, new beginnings, new experiences, and most of all, memories to be cherished by friends, family, and loved ones.  This year is most surprising, at least physically. The whole east coast feeling the aftereffects of an earthquake, going thru rainy season that never really seems to end from hurricanes that come through our way, and tornadoes that form to uproot trees, and cause such a fuss when it rams into a house, or telephone pole, then, out goes our electricity... It has been such austacious sort of season for us easterners lately.  

 More than anything, I am beginning to see my greatest desire unfold with great care. To be in a position to care for my family, and see myself in a new light. Nothing is nothing when it comes to flexing those spiritual muscles, but, it took me all a whole spring, summer, and part of fall to realize, the role that I take on as a mom, wife, teacher, student, friend, sister, daughter...woman, was to make myself see, I am nothing but a spec of dust in the wind in the grand scheme of things, and to the place which the wind carries my small unobtrusive life, is but God to know and for me to find out.... 

 In all things, I urge you to pray, pray over your friends, family, loved ones, but also pray over things that you might not have considered, your elected leaders for church and state. The more I think about it, it just makes more sense that even though we may not fully understand to what breadth their role in life will affect us, they too need prayer.  

 Anyhow. I will update soon with some more ramblings tomorrow. For now, be blessed, fight the good fight, and surge on in the fight against our foe. 

Updates in Reality...

 Not that  the things that I post really account for a false Reality, But Just to say, what is going on in real life...

Paying it Forward... What a huge mockery it is, a coin that was termed through the glamour and glitz of Hollywood, to make an eager buck, and a few sniffles and tears of dramatic role playing. This is an over exaggerated magnification of what we are already told to do, and yet, this idea that was brought forth over 2,000 years ago, trade marked by people like Oprah, by "paying it forward" completely miss the point of what paying it forward truly implies. Who gets the glory, you or God?

The thought of someone, a complete stranger, doing something radical, and radically different, can be extremely mind boggling. To be utterly perplexed at the idea of placing another person's needs before your own, can be insane - to the unbeliever. Maybe they attribute it to saying, doing good works, no matter how unbelievable, is profitable for the do-er, because in one sense they are receiving recognition, or this or that... We need to remind ourselves that it is not for worldly recognition, or fame, or fortune, or fortitude. All of these are soooo trivial. What matters is that it is truly through our works alone that Christ's light shine through us, in our demeanor, in our everything, and as people look at us in an outwardly shell, they will realize that there is indeed something different that separates us from the rest of the world.   

 I'm not saying you should dump everything, and just go ballistic on giving to the poor and needy, and just jump in on every idea of "ministries" in need.  I think God will lead you in a way, where it is in your area of specialty,  that will be placed in your heart, mind, and soul to do things that will change the world you live in.  *Although Jesus did say, give up everything and follow me...* =)

Letting go...

 I am a fool. I have always been foolish in the way that I think. I have these really timid moments when I feel like I can't let go of control because of my own stubbornness, and lack of faith....more  in my child's ability to be safe.  I don't know how my parents were able to trust me to go anywhere when I was young... But as a mom, letting my son go on a camping trip with his school classmates, was THE hardest thing I have done.  

I am so scared of how things might end up if I let him go. My sister always tells me I have to lighten up, and trust that my son will be in good hands, especially because of the teacher being with them at all times, etc etc... but really, I'm just really really really paranoid.  

So this is how it all went down. 

 My son Phillip is now 10,  is in the 4th grade. He brings home this sheet of paper, mind you that I didn't really pay attention that he said stuff about this trip until sunday night...  and he'd been asking, begging, pleading..."mom, my class is going on a trip..."

Empty words are normally found, in the great abyss of this juxtaposed nature of my mind, where you can often find things to say, when you least expect it. That is, you have a small area in your brain, where there are countless number of words that collect over the years, to remedy awkward moments of silence, between yourself, and a person of no particular relation, (a faceless/nameless one), to help you move through the moments that are shared between 2 strangers.  

I only bring this up because it has made me think, even if there aren't that many moments as these that occur routinely on a daily basis, how many of these moments have I puposefully made, on the account of Jesus for the sake of sharing the truth to men and women around me? 

In my life, it seems, the truth is, maybe 1 millionth of 1 millionth of a percent. maybe less.  I'm a little shy when it comes to proclaiming God. I never had the ability to really just confess, excuse me, Can I pray for you?

Many times, we think of it not worth our while, to share in the possibility of sharing Christ purposefully. What if this or that, and suppose something might happen and we are put in a weird or negative outcome? Would it still be worth your while? 

 I began to question, how many people, that are up and about today, would actually go out of their way to make it known, to share the good news?  

Much of the world in this time, seems to be truly groaning at its knees, and the perplexity, complexity, and uneasiness of taking in all the hard things that have befallen our sad little world, is but a constant reminder of Christ's compelling words... "these things must happen"

As many of you already have experienced, Japan and its massive earthquake/tsunami have taken us by surprise.  *not that we should be since something big was supposed to happen, like the fault line up the coast of cali...* but moreso, to the effect of contrasting all the major natural disasters which have glazed over our little world, in essence, should not be a shock to us, after the warnings Christ had given us.

 All of this has started to make me think of things that point to the end of the age.  The loom and gloom of it isn't why I should worry, if anything, I should be happy because it just means, we are one step closer to Christ's coming. But, to realize the state of how we are, in America, in the context of globalization is truly baffling.  I don't believe in everything I see on TV, or read online, as it is concerned with the dealings of how our govt. is run.

But I am starting to see, the contrast in how our worldly neighbors are starting to rise up, and surpass us.  If there is this true need of collectively working towards spreading the word of God, then how is it that we are in a slumber? I feel that. Not just judging in a way of saying I'm better than you, but rather, like there is a definite lull over people because of the qualms of living an ordinary life, seem to take precedence, than truly lighting that fire under our butts, impacting our world that we lead... Maybe its just me.

 There have been times, when I feel a deep seeded thought, something is definitely coming.  Not a monster, or some weird alien attack. But more in a sense, there is something spiritual, that lurks in the backs of my heart, where something Big, will take shape.

CHRIST IN ME...

It had been one of the most challenging times of my life, where my spirit and my willingness to let myself be molded, collided into a pile of mush, a sticky, gooey, intolerable matter of existence, that has become a great and stupendous, very hard lesson to learn.

God, in all his marvelous, supernatural, awesome, remarkable ways, has whispered to me from time to time, "be still and know that I am God." I mean, I knew, something definitely was up inside, but really never grasped the complete and authentic definition to this until now. Being completely still is aggrivating. Meaning, not doing a single thing, but remaining silent, remaining in a state of complete motionless-ness,  if that is even a word, was THE hardest thing to do.  From time to time, I could hear God trying to  whisper to me, be still, sometimes in not so subtle ways, and then at times, experiencing a way to being still, through  intimate moments shared  with family, and friends.

Perhaps, it is also the way I imitate my parents in their dedication to being authentic. Authenticity in a manner which simply shows, do you utmost, for whatever task you are put into, and in every manner which compels you to live your life.  It is a impossible task. To be perfectly able, capable, and worthwhile, to follow orders that are impossible to fill. It is only now that I see, there is no way to fill that tall order of perfection.

I fall incredibly short, of that. I am not perfect. But inside, I feel there is a great desire to comply to what I think and know to be the path paved for me to walk upon. We all have a path that God gave, and to try to have every step be in perfect order, is quite impossible. The only steps that complete such a task can be only done through the life and death of Christ.  Looking at myself,  I will always have steps that are not straight back to back, one infront of another type of imprinting which comes upon my walk with Christ. And even through this time, while I sit here contemplating, blabbering about my inmost thoughts, I am so filled with thanksgiving, that I must praise God, for revealing another thing about myself, that I am coming to see more clearly.

Loving yourself,even  letting go of yourself, in the midst of finding out who you really are, how you hold true to yourself, in the manner of experiencing your likes, dislikes, loves, qualms, etc etc, all within the context of Jesus experiencing you, and loving you, has been a really eye opening adventure.  I expect, my journey with loving and experiencing Christ, will become even more radocally as I grow with him. ...

Why do you love me,  asked thrice before,

Puzzled,perplexed, confused  and more, 

To find a reason beyond  a life,

searching everywhere leads only to strife,

Such question begins as a story from long ago,

It is that time of the year again, when the hustle and bustle of getting ready for the holidays draws ever so close with each passing weekend, and the boisterous ruckus that comes about from the sticky sugar coated goodness of carols being blasted from grocery stores, shoe stores, clothing stores, one stop shopping stores... stores everywhere, target shopaholic holiday fiends like myself, into buying more things for more people, just because, its the holidays.

In the last few weeks, I have had such a huge hurdle with personal matters. Things that I thought were not very important, all of the sudden, overwhelmed me at times, and I found myself, curled into a pitiful ball, at the mercy of my own careless mind,  shouting, why, why, why, instead of because because because...

 It is because, of His grace, It is because of His mercy, It is because He first loved us, and not because we center ourselves around wanting to know why.  It doesn't matter why, or how come. What matters is that life is, life will always be, in God's hands no matter what.  How we choose to exhale the blessings he's enveloped us with having, is a different story.

 So,out of foolishness, and mindless chatter, I found myself, clung to the old rugged cross, where my every heartache, my every hurdle of anxiety, depression, and fear, was lifted to an all knowing Savior, and it is only now that I understand, Have no fear, Jesus is Here really means what it says. 

I know I don't make any sense, I suppose I am only venting in part because I have wasted so much energy and time trying to focus my life on things that were truly trivial to start with.  

Candlesticks....

With another year of life added figuratively for myself and for teaching, parenting, and all other hats we choose to wear, I am so thankful God has allowed me to see the things that once seemed impossible. Things that are now quite tangible and confident in nature, which were once the opposite at some point in my lofty life last year.

First for potty training thanks to my parents, my siblings for helping train our youngest 2 legged monster erect, who is stubborn as a mule *takes after his mom*, and yet curious as the next then 3 year old little boy. To now, waking on his own, and getting ready for preschool on his own and feeding himself the instant mac and cheese you stick in the microwave with the help of a great big brother has been the highlight of this week....

 

Ok, so today, was another new day of beginnings. We had such an awesome time of praise and worship yesterday, to magnify our Great God, who sits enthroned in heaven, and to literally call on his name with shouts of praise, not only by what is written in our hearts and minds, but to sing joyfully to a creator that acknowledges us in all things.  It was that kind of worship.