Korean American Christian Blog

i was told to write a blog digesting the event:

 It was Saturday, and Today is Wednesday. It seems pretty far now. In the time between, God has been blessing me with love and just been speaking. Performing at Creative Juice was different than any other performance i did.  One of the reason being that my church girls were in the crowd, which almost brought me to break in the middle of the poem.  That poem was a journey to write, and still learning all that i have written is a journey in progress. So reading it, kind of creates accountability.  I am blessed that my brothers and sisters recieved my expereience and testimony; all the blessings i have are from God, and to share the joy is like no other.

 More than the event, or the competition, the core of Creative Juice was the eulogies to our God. (Sigh) One thing i remember was Mr. Hwang's struggle to give God his whole self, and admitted to his compromise to the performative emphasis in the moment.  To me, this acclaimed that God is in the house, and nobody can deny it or evade it.  I was blessed to see this honest desire to proclaim God as divine creator, in the midst of our carnial proclivity to want to proclaim ourselves.  Seeing this manifested made this event far more valuable than an open mic or talent show.  It was a venue where God was present, and the artists had to estimate his definite glory--This is God, it is He.

 All the creative inspirations gave me hope for our community, which is ever so increasing with church drop out percentages.  If we can intricately and patiently creative such musical/lyrical masterpieces, it made me believe in our potential to creatively minister to lost sheep.  After this event my heart turned.  God spoke. And i feel this new/old presence in me, alongside a prayer for my generation. I am thankful for Creative Juice because it led me to a highway that leads to his Kingdom--it clearly defined what my poetry should be used for: to be a testimony and minister.  I do not wish to portray some evangelical archetype, but simply want to convey my simple desire to share my joy in Christ with others. 

 Before, this Christian jargon was mundane and unlively.  I wavered between two worlds: Art and Christianity.  Which was is more powerful? Which one can save more lives?  I realized that this question was hampering me from using all of me to glorify Christ.  Thank you Mr. Hwang for manifesting my personal struggles in yours on stage. 

Art, a domain in which creators meet and intermingle their inventions. Art, an inhabitant infested with chaos and brillance that immediately disects one's prior thought and investigates. Art, a way to tell history, or a story. Art, my domain in which i met myself on 1am Friday mornings. Art, my inhabitant where i could intrust my secrets, bury em all beneath my carpet so oma and apa won't see me. Art, my most intimate prayers to God of who i didn't want to be. Art: i don't know.

There is a fine line i tred on when it comes to being a artist/poet/painter. First, i never am fully comfortable identifying with these jargons of "i am a poet;" i more so like to say, "i like poetry."  So instead of "i am a artist," i like to say, "i like art." (i do not wish to imply that those who do identify with their artistic role is misrepresenting themselves.  note: this is my personal discomfort, and a discomfort i wish to analyze for the sake of understanding what it means for me to be an artist). I hesitate to claim these labels in fear that i will rely on these labels.

"I am a poet."  Okay, so i write poetry, therefore i am a poet (technically).  But for me, that phrase connotes some kind of impermeance, a finality in my being.  Thus, let me say it again. "I Am A Poet." Perhaps the capital emphasizes the way in which i fear to fall into this identification.  Ive struggled with loving poetry, to an extent it become an idol. 

Art as an idol.