Korean American Christian Blog

Art, a domain in which creators meet and intermingle their inventions. Art, an inhabitant infested with chaos and brillance that immediately disects one's prior thought and investigates. Art, a way to tell history, or a story. Art, my domain in which i met myself on 1am Friday mornings. Art, my inhabitant where i could intrust my secrets, bury em all beneath my carpet so oma and apa won't see me. Art, my most intimate prayers to God of who i didn't want to be. Art: i don't know.

There is a fine line i tred on when it comes to being a artist/poet/painter. First, i never am fully comfortable identifying with these jargons of "i am a poet;" i more so like to say, "i like poetry."  So instead of "i am a artist," i like to say, "i like art." (i do not wish to imply that those who do identify with their artistic role is misrepresenting themselves.  note: this is my personal discomfort, and a discomfort i wish to analyze for the sake of understanding what it means for me to be an artist). I hesitate to claim these labels in fear that i will rely on these labels.

"I am a poet."  Okay, so i write poetry, therefore i am a poet (technically).  But for me, that phrase connotes some kind of impermeance, a finality in my being.  Thus, let me say it again. "I Am A Poet." Perhaps the capital emphasizes the way in which i fear to fall into this identification.  Ive struggled with loving poetry, to an extent it become an idol. 

Art as an idol.

Yes it is possible. I confess, and I also admit to my current and future struggles with idolizing art/poetry/painting.  Art is powerful. It is a catalyst to express myself, and in expressing myself i find hope for freedom.  However, this hope for freedom mistranslates into a source for freedom.  But isnt God my only freedom? 

There are moments i have mistaken the power of God in the power of poetry. I articulate in my heart the high emotions expressed in poetry/art as a voice of God.  There are moments when i find "freedom" in poetry/art. When either i do art, or other do their art, i feel myself in all of its boundaries and edges--telling myself, "i am satisfied."

So this is my struggle: allowing the "artist" to be my ego--my central identifcation. Which replaces my God-center identity.  It so easy to fall into this facade because art is powerful, and many will argue that it is essential. I would say that expressing myself to God is essential, whether it be through art, or prayer, or bible. (not stating that prayer/bible can be replaced by art).  It is so easy for art to become my foundation--like i said i tred a thin line.

 Take who i choose to write for.  Do i write for my community? If so which community? Christian? Korean American? Korean? North Korean? La County? My generation?

Which alludes to a greater question: who do i live for?  or who am i trying to please?

 There is one answer: God.  

I don't mean to state that all Christian art should be explicitly "Christian." It could be about that one day i met this boy named Jeremy, and i thought he was the one. Content of art is going to be diverse; the plurality of christian life exhibits a far beautiful narrative than a archetypical representation--feel free to express life as it is.  Putting God first has deepened my art because God has deepened my perception and understanding of life. Simultaneously making all that i do be more genuine and more honest---with a more sense of myself)

Our art should be genuine and real to who we are--i mean that is art right? And to do this, i must know who i am: a child of God. This is the identity that comes first.  I am a Christian before an artist, before anything.. this is where i find my worth.

Isaiah 6:5-8

Then said I, Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I swell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts./Then flew one of the seraphims unto me, having a live coal in his hand, which he had taken iwth the tongs from off the altar:/And he laid it upon my mouth and said, Lo, this hath thouched thy lips; and thine iniquity is taken away, and they sin purged/ Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I , Here am I; send me."

So this is my prayer:

 God, burn my lips with your coals.

May my intentions me aligned in your will.

May everything that i do reflect your mercy and love.

purge me.

 Let my life be cleansed, a sacrifice, worthy.

I am here, I am here.